Conspiracy Atheist

By Reap Paden

In my opinion atheists tend to be a bit more stuck-up. They seem to think they have a better grasp on reality. They often will belittle others, even those who think like them for what seems to be no other reason than "just because they can". An atheist will correct your grammar or argue over correct word use for 3 days. Atheists also tend to think they are above all the things silly religious believers are known for, this isn't always the case. There are many more conspiracy theorists than a person would expect from a group who is so loyal to reality. I'm not saying the number is large all I'm saying is it seems to me the number is larger than it should be. 9/11 truthers who think the one thing good ol' George pulled off without f**king it up was the attack on the world trade centers. I mean come on the guy was incredibly inept there is no way he could have pulled it off without making it obvious. Life is far too unfaithful to us, especially our best well laid out plans. I suppose this could be a one time deal. The one time something went flawlessly for George, but I seriously doubt it. Add in the way people can't keep their damn mouth shut about anything and the odds get worse. How about Bigfoot? How can anyone really expect that Bigfoot is an actual creature lurking in the backwoods, hiding from mankind all these years? Bigfoot has been eluding mankind's devices and eyes with incredible stealth abilities? I doubt it.  First off Bigfoot would have to be more than one creature or it would have to posses superhuman abilities. If it was only one creature it would have died of old age by now or fell victim to an accident, hunger, or disease. It's not as if Bigfoot has medical coverage and gets it's flu shot every season at Walgreen's. Who goes this many years without a cold or any type of medical care, let alone and accident. I don't care how agile you are everybody trips once and a while, and everybody has accidents.

So Bigfoot would have to be impervious to any of those things and also be able to elude our technology. Keep in mind Bigfoot also does not have a subscription to the local newspaper of scientific journals. That would mean he would have to be able to know exactly what type of technology he was avoiding. Is Bigfoot aware of thermal imaging or motion detection? I doubt it. So unless you want to say a creature with abilities far beyond any human has is wondering around in the forest for generations for some reason unknown to us then  the other explanation would be...There is a 'tribe'. If Bigfoot was not like superman then nature would have taken it's toll and the star of that footage shot years ago would be dead, unless he has kids to carry on. There have not been any claims of Bigfoot children sightings that I'm aware of but I could be wrong. The problem with the tribe theory is- How the hell do you hide an entire tribe of Bigfoot? You can't. There is no way a whole tribe of self sustaining Bigfoot are living in the wilderness undetected. Like I said they would not even be aware of our methods for finding them so they wouldn't know what to hide from. Should they hide their heat signatures? Should they stop moving? And for the tribe to continue they would have children and this is the clincher. There is no way a teenage Bigfoot isn't gonna run off and try to catch a Justin Bieber concert and blow the whole thing wide open. If anyone has another idea as to how there could be the existence of Bigfoot then I'd be happy to consider it.

It seems to me after talking to many different atheists that most of us have our own little 'fantasy belief' of some type. We may think that aliens are watching us, waiting for the right time to drag us into the mother ship and stick things in us to see what kind of sounds we make. I'm no expert in alien technology but in order to travel the space between us and any other intelligent life you would need to have some incredible technology. Not only would you need to have the technology but you would have to have mastered it. When we went to the moon we didn't send a ship that was equipped with a battalion of researchers and scientists. We sent a small capsule with a few guys and crossed our fingers. So when you think aliens are sending huge ships big enough to do research in then you are talking some serious abilities to pretty much do anything you like wherever you like except in a black hole maybe.

I do not like needles at all, in fact anything that enters my body and isn't food or drink has to go through a rigorous process that involves background checks and history checks and quality control checks and several other levels of testing before it can even be considered. Call me an optimist but I like to think as technology progresses medical doctors will not need to stick things into, up, or inside people very often except when they are replacing that worn out heart with a brand new one made from stem cells. So why would aliens who can travel the vastness of space in huge ships have a need to take humans and poke them with stuff. why would they need to insert beacons that tell them where you are? Don't they have facial recognition software and GPS? It just doesn't make sense.

So I admit atheists are not perfect, but no one is, so what? Even the conspiracy atheists aren't letting aliens try and dictate our abortion laws or make us teach Bigfootism  in our schools . Besides we all need an escape from reality, it's just too...real.